Author: ArtsyChowRoamer

Funny Thing Happened

ON THE WAY TO THE QUARANTINE

Anybody who has read my stuff knows I have a quirky sense of humor that can run a little dark sometimes. I can usually find the funny in almost anything….a trait that I think is kinda quintessentially Southern. Not something my mother would own up to mind you but we all know we got us some weird in the South.

In these days and times I figure this is no different. You’ve gotta have some relief from hand wringing and get your SNL vibe on. See the funny in the situation because after all, what else you gonna do? Cry? Panic? Hoard? Maybe yes…yes to all of them! So lighten up-get your funny goin’ and let’s get through this quarantine together. Here are some thoughts about that…

QUARANTINE AESTHETIC

Having a background in design I figure there is an aesthetic to everything. But this? Really I said to myself since it was trending on Pinterest….what would that look like and why would anybody be searching for it? Do they just wonder what things to expect?

But who am I to ask these questions? Mine is just to provide answers. I figure anyone of these might work for you. What do you think? There should be more plague bell….not less. Lots of plastic wrapping of people and stuff for sure-worked for our grandparents on all the furniture didn’t it? Finding ways to amuse yourself will be necessary at all times. I’m sure you’ll think of better ones. 😉 (Don’t touch me there….)

QUARANTINE PREPAREDNESS

Not surprisingly, the next couple of things worrying the minds of Pinterest users is feeling prepared. Now I’m not sure you will ever be truly prepared for something like this but there are a few things that seem to stand out as the way to go.

BE CALM….don’t panic. Nobody got anywhere by running, screaming and clutching their head. We got through the depression, WW2 and the great recession-we will get through this. No telling how long it will take but we will get through it.

Believe in science which means pay attention to what Fauci is telling you-maybe the CDC-perhaps your state and local peeps. The Feds came to the party late but you can’t do anything about that so…..don’t panic!

Repeat after me…..Sickness be Gone! Make this your new mantra and repeat it at all times you feel it is appropriate; like during yoga, meditation, evening prayers. exercising, in your sleep, in your dreams etc. There is an energy to the universe - what you ask for is what you get!

QUARANTINE CLOTHING

Again, I was a little confused by this one being on the list. Are we so vain that fashion comes into everything or are we so scared that we actually think there is a way we can dress ourselves away from illness?

There is that mask thing that keeps coming up again and again. First they say don’t wear one because you are taking them from people who really need them. Than they say don’t wear one unless you are sick because it won’t keep you from getting sick.

Than there was, yes you can wear a mask but it needs to be the right one. Let the hoarding begin. I’m still not sure what the exact right one is-I think there is a number attached to it….

It seems a hazmat suit and a hood is your only for sure item to keep you safe but who can get a hold of one of those? I have not been able to come up with any help on making your own but I am sure those squirrels who have an underground cellar have got them or know how to make them. They thought of everything….just because your paranoid….doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get ya…says them!

For now just do what I do if I have to go out anywhere. Put a stylish scarf around your neck. Dig out a set of pretty winter gloves. Put on your best Audrey Hepburn dark glasses. Drop a bottle of sanitizer into the nearest pocket. Before entering anywhere-wash your hands-pull the scarf up over your nose-put on the gloves and off you go!

QUARANTINE FOOD LIST

I’m not sure there is a real list of stuff you should have. I think it just needs to be enough in case you can’t get out for at least two or three weeks. Now I can tell you that is kind of hard to do even here in America where our fridges are big and our grocery carts are bigger.

When I lived in Europe, they were so used to shopping daily (oh the horror of not having fresh!) that people simply stared at my loaded grocery cart every time I went to the check out. They probably even thought to themselves….stupid Americans!

But we know how to do some shopping and load our big ass fridges and freezers to the gills in the good ole US of A. Of course, there would have to be something there to buy right? When I went for my quarantine food list there was little or no bread, fresh meat, eggs or dairy. You know-the staples every body wants.

The canned goods aisle however was the real joke with only stuff that picky Americans won’t eat (read artichokes, red cabbage, sour krout, beets, hearts of palm and sardines here) being available for grabs. BINGO!

This back from Europe living American not only loves but treasures such cans and bought more than a few. Yes, your fresh veggies may run out but canned or frozen are your friends. You may even have to try some stuff you never ate before or don’t like. Welcome to war time rationing, hoarding and being grateful just to have something!

Think of it as your time to learn to cook new dishes. Look to Alton Brown to tell you what to do with that odd ingredient you bought. Trust me-he’s got a video about it somewhere on his platform. Once you’ve prepared said ingredient-add a glass of wine-some fresh buns-if you found any. Put on some Pavarotti close your eyes and just imagine your in Prague!

QUARANTINE SUPPLIES

Come on people! Enough already! How many stores do you think it’s right to make folks run around to looking for toilet paper? I get it’s not something easily substituted. I mean we don’t even have a Sears & Roebuck catalog to cut up anymore.

Newspaper, my husband whispered to himself while listening to all the “no toilet paper” stories. Having come from a communist regime, he knows just a little bit about waiting in line for stuff and getting bupkus for all your time spent once you get to the front.

What did they do? Well, they cut up squares of whatever they had-even rationing those to one square each. Something about a hole in the middle-for your finger to stick through-and a way to wipe it once you…..well never mind. Ewwww…..is all I could say! 😲

One of my friends on Twitter said his ass would be clean cause he still had leaves out behind the barn. Beware of leaves of three leave them be I warned. Just one of the many reasons I’m not a huge fan of using the great outdoors…..for your wiping purposes! 😬 So please don’t hoard the TP!

Can I just say a word about cleansers and hand sanitizers? Yes you need to clean and you are hoarding lysol, clorox wipes and hand sanitizer of every kind because of it. But everybody needs some cleaning products OK? Leave some behind for the rest of us!

We might have to start thinking outside the box and make our own sanitizer using alcohol, aloe vera gel and essential oil (Yes, it will work). Amonia is a pretty good cleaner too and is still available on the shelves along with good ole regular bar soap for washing your hands.

QUARANTINE DO’S & DON’TS

Right now everyone is telling us to self quarantine and use social distancing. Wash your hands and wash them well many times a day. BTW….Alton Brown has a video out about this. Check it out for a good laugh as usual-no cleaver please!

For the love of God, cover your mouth with the crook of your elbow when sneezing or coughing; thought being you can’t touch your face with your elbow and it’s just the right thing to do people!

Don’t shake hands. Maybe don’t even bump elbows. Don’t touch your face. Don’t go to anything that has more than 10 people still keeping social distance. Some of this stuff is super difficult to do. Have you ever really tried not to touch your face all day long? I tried the experiment and made it exactly 42 minutes! 🙄

Do you think parents aren’t really going to touch their kids? How do you take care of a sick one or change their diaper? Do you think people are really not going to touch or have sex or do the things they normally do even if they get sick? Just do the best you can with that one-that’s all I got!

QUARANTINE SIGN

I admit I wondered about this one too. I am a very literal person. Were people asking about a real quarantine sign or did they mean like in the biblical sense; a sign of something else? Like the apocalypse or worse things to come?

Admit it-you too have wondered about Revelations and whether or not it will come to pass as written or if it is just a parable (if you’ve read the bible anyway). I personally break on the parable side of things even though I have read all the well researched books of Dan Brown starring Tom Hanks in the movies that might suggest otherwise.

One of those books suggests that Mother Nature is both smart and cruel. She will decide when the planet is too full of people to support and something (read virus here) will sweep through and take millions in it’s wake to correct things and make the world more sustainable.

QUARANTINE CONCLUSION

Quarantine is a scary real thing happening around the world all at once. It is hard to think of as funny-I realize that. You got to be careful with this kind of material. One mistake and BBBOOOMMM it goes viral and you’re seen as cruel, unsympathetic or worse.

Comedians walk a tightrope during times like these. But thank God they are still around and giving it the old college try. Even as many pull their productions, people like Jimmy Fallon are broadcasting from home. YEA! 🤣🤣👏👏👏

As you can see more than a few memes and gifys are out there for your quarantine pleasure and laugh times. If it wasn’t for peoples quirky, weird sense of humors how would we ever be able to get through things like this? You gotta laugh-pure and simple. And you are not alone OK?

And now… for your laugh time entertainment, and it has absolutely nothing to do with quarantine, I give you this video. Why? Farts are funny, Monty Python isn’t around anymore and….well… Just Because! My work is done here people!

If you enjoyed what you read, you might also like other blog posts under Just Because. Hey, don’t be a stranger! Let me hear from you on whether you found this post funny and would like to see more during this time of crisis and quarantine. BTW, if you subscribe to my email list you get a copy of my newsletter, The Quirky Tourist, which has been redesigned in all it’s glory and will be out again the end of March. Until next time…

Cheers,

ArtsyChowRoamer

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TO MY READERS: This post was updated with additional content on 10/5/20